Somewhere in this world, I have experienced

something beyond my dream. It happened in a

trice, as sudden as the formation of a smile

across my face every time I think of the memories.

It all started one afternoon, in the middle of

fall and winter, when the sun was on its way

to its hiding place behind the clouds.

A voice started talking to me, and suddenly,

I was staring at a pair of eyes that only existed

in my imagination. I smiled helplessly,

but I blinked with uncertainty,

afraid that this had been a cruel fantasy,

that I had been talking to a genuine figment

of my hopeless imagination.

 

But as days passed, I became aware

of the reality of his existence. It’s as real as

the dancing emotions in my heart. I have become

a blooming rose, radiant with joy.

[thumb:10:l]I told my friend the other night that being single is so much fun because I get to look at more cute guys. But then I thought, is it really that fun? I think it is. I get “highs” every time I see a cute guy; I get “highs” when I see this famous Taiwanese actor’s dimpled smile; I get “highs” when I see a cute Korean guy in a light blue shirt at Starbucks. I get to smile from ear to ear, and my happiness is unlimited. Come to think of it, though, it is the same feeling when you’re in love with someone… you do get high, you do smile from ear to ear… the only difference is that the reason for your “highs” is just one real person, not the Korean guy in Starbucks and definitely not the Taiwanese actor.

My friend agreed that being single is fun, but he said being in love is the best. Maybe it is. I had been in love before, and I had the greatest feeling when I was in that moment. But that relationship didn’t work, and my love just faded away along with all the tears that I shed for my broken heart. When I think of that relationship now, I could not remember if I had laughed and smiled more than I cried. I know I cried a lot, but I also know I was in love. And now I ask my self, is love really worth it? What if it’s a love that will not last?

I tell myself that the next relationship that I want to be in should be IT. I should be with the ONE. But how can I tell if a person is the ONE? I cannot. Maybe I lost my courage to find out. I’m scared, not because I think I could not fine the ONE, but because once upon a time I thought I already found the ONE. But he wasn’t, and I detest myself for making a poor judgment… and now I’m scared.

Right now I just want to enjoy being single… being able to drool over that Taiwanese actor or dreaming about seeing another cute Korean guy in a grocery store or in a Starbucks or anywhere unexpected. I’m satisfied with this for now, even happy. I know they will never break my heart because… well… they will never become mine.

So, I appreciate my “blessed singleness” for now. I have to… because it’s the only way I know how to heal my heart. I need my heart to be strong again… to be able to love again because, despite all the possible heartaches I could face, I know, and I believe, that being in love is worth everything.